Exposing Toddlers to Scary Media

A few weeks ago I received the following question from a parent:

A good friend of mine allows her children to view scary movies and images. For example, she will allow her toddler to watch the Michael Jackson video “Thriller.” He will watch it over and over. I feel this is child abuse. I really don’t want her children around mine. Her other son will talk about how a boy's legs were cut of from going down the slide at the park. I know I show tell her how I feel. I’ve read a research paper you wrote on the subject. I feel she can entertain her children with these images, like a babysitter. (I have a few theories of my own)
Any feedback would be appreciated.
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Here's how I answered:

Thanks for writing!

I agree that showing scary movies and images to children can be extremely harmful. Some kids become anxious and have trouble sleeping; others may become more violent, more accepting of violence, or less empathic. A toddler is definitely too young to put these images in perspective -- my research is full of reports of children who were traumatized by viewing "Thriller" at a young age.

Some children are less sensitive than others, but you are right to be concerned about the home environment of your children's friends. You certainly should be wary that if your children visit their house, they are likely to be exposed to images that could be potentially traumatizing.

I know that there are parents who think the concern about media violence is overblown. Often these are parents who love to watch violence themselves and might see any information about harm as a criticism of them.

Aside from not wanting your children to be exposed to your friend's choice of media, you probably also want your children to hang around with kids like them, who are sensitive and empathic and not overly attracted to violence. So you certainly are not overreacting if you want your children to play with kids whose values are more like yours.

If, as you say, this person is a good friend of yours, you might want to bring up the issue gently, perhaps with some information and data to back you up (there are things on my web site that might be helpful (e.g.,, http://www.joannecantor.com/longtermfright.html). But be prepared for your friend to be defensive. She may never agree with you, but at least she will understand the basis of your decisions.

Whatever you do about your friend, keep being a wise steward of your child's media use. Your child's physical and mental health will surely benefit.

Children and Recent Mass Shootings

I have been asked by a local television station to give parents advice on how to prevent their children from becoming overly fearful during this most recent spate of highly publicized shootings -- at the mall in Nebraska and at two churches in Colorado. I've been giving advice in the wake of similar high-profile news events for some time on my web site (for example, see my advice after the Virginia Tech shootings).

What can I say for a 2 1/2 minute TV piece?

1) These news stories are not "educational." Kids will not miss anything they need to know if they don't hear about or see these stories, so don't be afraid to shield your child from this information. In general, don't watch the news with your young children in the room.
2) If they do hear about it or you know they will hear about it, describe it to them in the least emotional, most calming way possible.
3) In explaining it to them, try to find as many contrasts you can between your child's situation and the one they've heard about. For example, you could say, if it's true, that nothing like that has ever happened here (even though you know that it could happen anywhere).
4) Talk about what we've learned from the tragedy, for example, that security people are paying better attention now.
5) If a child is frightened, be understanding and give him or her your calm, warm attention. If they are fixated on it, drawing pictures about it may help younger children; writing about it may help older children and adults.
6) Younger children may simply want to get their mind off of it and do something distracting and fun.
7) Remember that television often creates the most intense emotions about these stories because it often shows vividly visual, emotional events. Because local tragedies become national via television, television makes the world seem much scarier than it really is.

Antidote to Violent Video Games?

I just heard the hilarious deadpan comic Dimitri Martin give the following riff:

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I love videogames
But they're very violent
I want to design a videogame
In which you have to take care of all the people who've been shot in the other games.

-- "Hey, Man, what are you playing?"

-- "Super Busy Hospital -- 2.
Please leave me alone.
I need to concentrate.
I'm performing surgery on a man who was shot in the head 57 times."
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Here's a link to his performance on You-tube

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Makes you think, doesn't it?